Sunday 27 November 2016

Review - "Dreadnought"

Dreadnought, Nemesis #1
by April Daniels
rating: ☆☆☆
published: 24th January 2017
spoilers? little ones

Goodreads

Galley provided by publisher

Before I actually review this book, I gotta say I did actually like it, despite what my review may say. The characters were great, if kind of black and white in their good/badness despite the greycapes who were clearly an attempt at having some morally ambiguous characters thrown in there (spoiler alert: they aren't all that morally ambiguous). The world was interesting, even though the world building was poor to non-existent. Overall, it's good.

The biggest problem I had was with the worldbuilding. From early on, it's pretty clear the author hasn't put all that much thought into things like "hypertech". There's the whole nobody really knows what makes hypertech possible comment, which, I can't believe. If there have been superheroes, and presumably hypertech, around since World War 2, I find it hard to believe that there's been no advance whatsoever on what makes this hypertech possible. I mean, just consider the advancements physics in general made in approximately the same timespan. And if this is supposed to be a futuristic society (which I assume it is, based on some of the made up physics that comes up - yes, it's a bugbear), then they should have some idea of what's behind it.

So there's that, and then there's the aforementioned made up physics. I feel like I should point out at this stage that I have a serious problem with books which bullshit their physics (see Claudia Gray's Firebird trilogy). Because if you're going to create something that isn't physics as it is now, then you could at least make it believable. And to do that, you have to not half-arse the physics you're basing it on. I mean, at one point Doc Impossible tries to fix something with a voltmeter. A freaking voltmeter. All that can do is measure the potential difference in a circuit.

Then there's the point where a plane engine sucks in a goose. First off, what kind of mutant goose flies at the same altitude as a passenger jet/civil aircraft. If it was a mechanical aircraft of some sort, which flies a lot lower, I could believe it (Wikipedia does have a page on "bird strikes" after all). But a passenger jet? And it causes the engine to blow up. That's got to be a freak incident, because the majority of bird strikes don't actually cause any damage to anything besides the bird itself. If the engine had simply failed, that would have made more sense.

The worst part of all this make-believe physics was when someone asks Danny and Calamity to get him some non-Newtonian fluid. Now, a simple Google search will tell you what a non-Newtonian fluid is. It, surprise surprise, is a fluid which does not behave like a Newtonian fluid. (It's something to do with the relationship between shear rate and shear stress, and viscosity. Newtonian fluids show a linear relationship, while non-Newtonian fluids don't.) And Google will also helpfully tell you some non-Newtonian fluids which are common around the house, like toothpaste... and custard... and ketchup... So forgive me if I roll my eyes at this part. This "non-Newtonian fluid" they have to get hold of in order for this guy to help them, is apparently coveted enough that they have to steal it. Just no.

Then then then, there's the point where Doc Impossible describes the tower's reactor as a supercritical light water fission reactor. Which, at first, sounds like loads of words just thrown together. But supercritical water reactors and light water reactors do exist. In fact, a supercritical water reactor is just a type of light water reactor. And, currently, and presumably also in this world because it hasn't been said otherwise, fission is the only viable source of nuclear energy. So why throw all these words together when half of them are redundant? All I'm getting is that the author wants it to seem like they know what they're talking about when they actually don't.

Finally, there's the quantum instabilities triggered by observer effects. All observer effects are is the changes that will be seen in the phenomenon observed depending on how the observer is viewing it. Nothing more. Nothing that could cause any "quantum instabilities". Get your shoddy physics out of here.

In addition to the world building problems, there was the issue with the superheroes I had. For one, they are basically direct ripoffs of Marvel and DC superheroes some of them. I mean, I get there's a finite number of superpowers and combinations of superpowers but you could try to be more creative. There's a character who has the exact same backstory as Eli Bradley (Patriot) for crying out loud. Right down to the hereditariness of the power. It's also clear that Dreadnought is a Superman-substitute and Valkyrja is basically Thor (she's a mythical goddess and talks very similarly to him, though she doesn't have a hammer). There's a mention of a hero called Darkfist early on too, and he's basically the Batman/Iron Man character.

There's also a part where a guy walks into the bar Danny and Calamity are staking out, and Calamity immediately knows he's the guy who can lead them to the bad guy. By looking at him. But at that point, I gave up questioning it, because it was 70% through and very little was happening.
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Monday 7 November 2016

Review - "Ever The Hunted"

Ever The Hunted Clash of Kingdoms #1
by Erin Summerill
rating:
published: 27th December 2016
spoilers? not really

Goodreads

Galley provided by publisher

The main thing this book suffers from is that, quite honestly, it's all been done before. Everything about this book reminded me of other YA fantasies I'd read, and to top it all off, it was full of clichés.

I'm going to start with the main character, Britta, who, as YA fantasy MCs are wont, is pale and does not believe herself to be beautiful. So far, so yawn. She is also an Amazing tracker. But not really, because she seems to miss a helluva lot of trails throughout the book. Add onto that, she is so incredibly naïve. I mean, there's naivety, but then there's Naivety, which is what we see from Britta. She is also very, very bland. But, get this!, she has this amazing ability to be able to tell when people are lying. (She feels the warmth of truth. Spare me.) She's different from other girls. (OK, OK, I'm getting sarky now. I'll chill.) (She's also so bloody helpless! And then she goes and complains when people do what they do to protect her!)

Not to mention she seemed some kind of cross between a Sarah J Maas character, and Mare from Red Queen. And not in a good way.

She also has this ability to sense when Cohen is around. You could just hear my eyes roll into the back of my head at this point.

The book also had the slightly irritating habit of throwing in bits of information that it hadn't previously mentioned, like when Molly the innkeeper's wife showed up out of nowhere. To be fair though, that could easily have been me. I was skim reading a little at the time.

Moving on to Cohen and Britta. With this relationship, the author seems to be throwing all the possible tropes in. To list a few: her not believing he could ever like her, she does something stupid and he gets irrationally pissed off, she puts on a dress and he goes all goggle-eyed at her, her thinking that putting on a dress will make her immediately unrecognisable to the guards chasing her, and of course, the obligatory I shouldn't have kissed you. It's been a while since I read a book with these tropes, and I forgot how much they annoyed me.

There were also a few scenes which irritated me. One goes thus:

"I didn't mean to hurt you. Are you all right?" "I wasn't being serious. Don't start treating me like a weak girl now.


Because apparently that's the route we're going to go down. The one where someone asking if you're alright means they're treating you as a "weak girl". Thanks.

The second scene has Britta asking if two Channelers (basically sorceresses) could marry and have a stronger offspring. To which Enat laughs and says marry? no of course not, because Channelers are all women. And Britta laughs too, because apparently there are no lesbians in this world, ha ha ha.

I also wasn't a fan of the writing. It felt kind of forced at points, and somewhat overdramatic (there was a big reveal late on, and I just laughed, because the writing was so over the top).

So yeah. Suffice to say, I didn't enjoy this one.
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Review - "Sucktown, Alaska"

Sucktown,Alaska
by Craig Dirkes
rating:
published: 1st May 2017
spoilers? yes

Goodreads

Galley provided by publisher

I was really looking forward to this one - the premise sounded like it could be good and I was hoping for some murder mystery type story. Did I get that? Not in the least.

The prologue had me hyped. Eddie was being shot at by some mysterious stranger, for some mysterious reason, so naturally I was intrigued.

The rest of the book? Was a bit of a disappointment, to be honest.

The plot, essentially, goes like this. Eddie Ashford flunks out of college. To get back in, or at least have a chance of getting back in, he heads out to the arse-end of nowhere, Alaska, to work in a newspaper. There, he meets this girl (we'll get to her in a moment). Said girl rejects him, at which point he decides he absolutely has to get out of the place. Because he's been rejected. (I don't get it either.) But he doesn't have the money. So what does he start to do? He starts smuggling weed. But, there is, in the arse-end of nowhere, Alaska, an, if not thriving, then extensive, bootlegging trade. And he manages to step on the toes of some of the major players, and wind up in trouble.

So. Not a murder mystery.

My major problem with this book was how the narrator talked about women (or rather, one woman, Taylor, the one who rejects him). To start with, he says (on first seeing her):

Ho. Lee. Shit.

Standing there might have been the hottest girl I'd seen. Ever. Anywhere. On TV, in person, in a magazine, in a movie, on a billboard. My ding dong went from zero to boner faster than a car's airbag can deply. I untucked my red flannel shirt to hide it.

The girl looked exotic. I couldn't pinpoint her lineage. Whatever she was, it amounted to a luscious mishmash of every female physical characteristic I held dear. Tall? Check. Long, straight blond hair? Check. Olive skin? Check. Pouty lips? Check. Hint of a buttchin? Check. Big bombs? Che - actually I couldn't tell. The light blue sweater she wore was too bulky. But with how perfect the rest of her was, it was fair to assume she was holding a nice rack of sleeper boobs under there.


Charming, right? But wait. It continues.

They get into emailing each other, as friends, or at least on her part. He on the other hand, is only in it for sex. He calls her emails boring, when they are telling him about her, because they aren't flirty. He "sees red" when she talks to another guy, even though they are just friends, even though he is nothing to her. Then she rejects him, and there comes the part where he wants to get out. Because she just wants to be friends with him.

Next comes this guy's "pussy complex". I am just as baffled as you are. He explains it like so,

I'd always had a major pussy complex. It all started when I was little, watching my dad and Max do guy stuff I wasn't mentally or physically capable of doing. They fixed cars, landscaped, finished basements - you name it. Growing up in Zimmerman never did my complex any favours, because every guy was a hard-ass. They knocked my dick in the dirt ever time a story of mine printed in the junior high school newspaper. Writing was art, and art was for pussies.


Lovely.

But I endured more. Even as every sexist quote made me want to tear my eyeballs out, and burn a copy of this book in effigy (which would have been quite hard given it's an ebook, but I would have found a way).

But wait now. A steam? With Taylor? And Bristy and Hope? With them naked? With me naked? Was this a joke? A mom suggesting that a horny and half-hard-already me strip down with her gorgeous daughter, inside a tiny, hot, steamy dark room?


This comes after he gets rejected, when he decides actually being friends could be OK. Because he's a sleazeball. Next is,

The girl of my dreams was sitting five feet in front of my face, naked. No bra. No panties. No nothing. Not even a bracelet around her wrist. Naked.

Insta-bone. I got the biggest one I'd ever had. It grew so tall, so fast, I thought it might smack my chin like an uppercut.


Boys are gross.

Thankfully, after this point there wasn't much more I objected to, and the last 50 pages actually saw the story pick up a bit. Too bad that couldn't make up for the previous 300.
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Saturday 5 November 2016

Review - "Nowhere Near You"

Nowhere Near You
by Leah Thomas
rating:☆☆☆☆☆
published: 7th February 2017
spoilers? some slight ones

Goodreads

I breathed in through my nose. Thought of your video to the masses. Thought of the womble you sent me. Thought of you calling me good. Thought of you, just you-


Galley provided by publisher

Because You'll Never Meet Me is one of my favourite books, and I was all set for it to be a standalone, for Moritz and Ollie never to have contact beyond letters, for there to be a maybe less-than-satisfactory conclusion to their story. And then there came this.

If the first book was good, then this one was great. Everything steps up a notch, with Ollie out in the world for the first time, and Moritz also, in his own way. At the same time, almost every page I read made me want to cry. There's Ollie keeping secrets and how he feels from Moritz, trying to make his letters upbeat. There's Moritz having trouble with his boyfriend, and moving to a new school. Basically, I was a mess.

As per the first book, both Ollie and Moritz are amazing characters, but I loved seeing more of the "Blunderkids", as Ollie takes to calling them. As a supporting cast, they were amazing. Molly had to be my favourite (her and Klaus was so great, I loved them), but Bridget and Arthur followed close behind.

I read this while I should have instead been doing reading for an essay, and every time I finished a chapter I thought to myself, maybe I should start that instead. But the lure of the next chapter was too much and I inevitably continued reading. It's one of those books, one that you don't want to put down because each chapter solves one mystery but reveals another and you just want to know exactly what's going on. And also whether Moritz and Ollie will actually get to meet. (And whether Auburn-Stache will actually tell Ollie the truth and stop hurting him by not.)

Long(ish) story short, this is probably one of the best books I've read this year.
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