Review - "What If It's Us"

What If It's Us
by Becky Albertalli and Adam Silvera
rating: ☆
published: 9th October 2018
spoilers? minor

Goodreads

I don’t know if we’re in a love story or a story about love.

Review also posted on Reads Rainbow

Galley provided by publisher

I did think that perhaps this was just one of those where I've grown out of the authors, but I actually reread Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda earlier this year and still liked it just as much as the first time round, so it can't just be that. And this book did seem a whole lot more cringeworthy than any other books I've read by either author.

To summarise the plot: Arthur meets Ben as he's getting rid of his ex-boyfriend's things at the post office. Unfortunately, before he can get a number, their meeting is interrupted by a lederhosen-clad flash mob (yeah, this was the first part where I went, really?). Anyway, that's the first 30 to 40 pages or so. The next 120 pages is dedicated to them... not meeting again. And then they do meet again. And follow that classic romance pattern.

So, number one on my list of things I didn't really like about this book was the pacing. I don't need 120 pages of their day to day life before they meet again. And then I don't need another 150 pages of them dating (though seemingly, on Ben's part at least, while not actually wanting to date), before the inevitable and tedious (and overdramatic) breakup because of miscommunication. I feel like all this could have been condensed into a lot less than 450 pages. And so, because I have like, no patience, I got bored. Overall, though, I could have dealt with that, rated this book 2 stars maybe, but then came the kicker.

It's overwhelmingly cringeworthy. Every other paragraph feels like it includes a pop culture reference (Hamilton and Harry Potter being common ones - and don't even get me started on that part where Arthur gets Ben to listen to the Hamilton soundtrack and then Ben makes a comment about writing Hamilton/Harry Potter crossover fanfiction. I physically recoiled from the computer). One or two I could deal with, but the sheer number of them in this? I was cringing at least once a chapter and that's really not fun. Not to mention the part where Arthur mistakes someone for Ansel Elgort and I had to feel the horror of a real life person being inserted into the narrative and subsequent secondhand embarrassment. It was not nice.

A brief list of some other things that made me cringe along the way:

> "some kind of Kinsey scale Sorting Hat"

> when they talked about Pokemon fanfiction in real life

> when Arthur talks about the green M&M being sexy along with some Looney Tunes characters on their first date

> and Harry Potter porn

> mentioning Draco/Hermione fanfiction

But one particularly major cringe came from two points, both in Becky Albertalli's chapters. In one, Arthur and Ben are kissing when Arthur or Ben comments that maybe that's something Barack and Michelle (Obama) do on his birthday (why this comment? Because Barack Obama is Arthur's "forever president"?), and the other says more likely it's Obama and Justin Trudeau, while Joe Biden watches. Literally everything about this part is so creepy, starting with the fact that these are real people. But it does not stop here. Later on, a second joke is made along similar lines, but this time about porn between Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan. Members of a party that wants to get rid of gay rights. Which, again these are real people, but this time it also just feeds back into the "all homophobes are secretly gay" line of argument. In the end, it was the cringeworthiness of the book that made me give it 1 star.

One last point: I didn't actually much like Ben as a character either. He's honestly a bit of a dickhead, and spends his time when he's starting to date Arthur comparing him to his ex-boyfriend. And he writes a self-insert fantasy story, which is honestly, just another cringeworthy thing to add to the list. (Someone also pointed out to me that he's a bit like an Adam Silvera self-insert, and I am really scarred.)

Maybe it'll be different for other readers, who don't find the pop culture references as cringey, and who are bigger fans of these authors, but in the end, it was just too much for me.

Review - "The Oyster Thief"

The Oyster Thief
by Sonia Faruqi
rating: ☆
published: 2nd October 2018
spoilers? a few

Goodreads

Galley provided by publisher

CWs: sexual assault

I had - if not high, then at least some - hopes for this book. The synopsis sounded intriguing, and I thought there was some good potential for enemies to lovers. A bit like To Kill a Kingdom, maybe. And the cover was lovely, so there was that too.

Unfortunately, it didn't work out - to say the least.

To start off with, the writing was fairly poor. I know that's something completely subjective and everything, but on the first page, there was mention of "Algae Appreciation Day" and "Horrid Humans Day", and it felt kind of... childish? For lack of a better word. So that kind of put me off the writing from the start. It wasn't flat out awful - I have read a lot worse - but it felt kind of clunky, especially when it came to the speech. You know how you can find some writing styles easier to read than others, like they read more naturally? This one is one of those that doesn't read particularly easily. So I struggled a bit with that.

Also concerning the writing, the author had a tendency to skip fairly rapidly between Izar and Coralline's point of view. Now, I get the value of minor cliffhangers, sure, but when there's one every few pages, but you just know you only need to read another couple of paragraphs before you find out what happens next? They don't really work. And, they kind of stopped me from getting properly into either Coralline's or Izar's story. I would be just about getting used to one, and then it'd change.

If the writing was what made me less keen on the book, the worldbuilding is what made me rate it 1 star instead of two. Firstly, the mermaid world is a direct mirror of a human world. Down to the misogyny and rape culture. Because why would you extend your imagination to come up with something new when you can just do that! There's a whole government system, there are police, detectives, houses, tables, corsets - none of this is a particularly interesting world. What are the chances, if you have two different species, with minimal contact, that they would develop into matching societies? Pretty fricking low, you'd have to guess. And yet. In this book, we're supposed to believe that merpeople hide away from humans but still have a mirroring society. But what is worse about this, is that we can't even escape tired old tropes like a sexual assault scene and some lovely misogyny in this merpeople society. Starting with the misogyny, what we get is this conversation between Coralline and her fiance:

"You've never left Urchin Grove before. You're delicate - like the algae after which you were named-" "I'm not delicate." "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it in an offensive way. What I mean is that you're fragile, feminine. You don't know how to wield a dagger-"

On top of this, Coralline is expected by her mother, and society, to just marry well, learn how to cook, provide babies. Sound familiar? (Along similar lines as this, when Izar gets turned into a merman, one of the first things he comments on is that... it's emasculating not to have hair on his chest? Because yes. Yes, that is What Makes You A Man. Please, spare me.)

Then we get to the rape culture. Let me set the scene. Coralline and Izar have just been to visit someone to help them on their quest, but he is killed while they're there, and Coralline seen clutching the dagger. So, they find the furthest away hotel they can, which is kind of a seedy place. And while they're getting rooms, Izar overhears these two mermen talking about how they would "like a piece of" Coralline, such that they ask for the room next door to where she'll be staying. Now, he doesn't tell Coralline this. Oh no. He rationalises it as he's using her to get what he wants, he doesn't really care about her. So, the next morning, the brothers break into Coralline's room and try to rape and kill her. And Izar has to save her. Because what is a fantasy story without an attempted rape scene so the hero can save the girl, huh? A lot goddamn better than this, I'm telling you. And that's the point where I just got angry and hateread the rest of the book.

In addition to all this mess, there was a particular idea that got propounded a few times that I really hated. It was centered around two characters (including the one who ends up murdered). Basically, his wife is dying, so he goes and finds the magical elixir to save her life. And apparently, according to Coralline, this means she's indebted for life to him. Because she ends up falling out of love with him, and leaving him for another man, and Coralline calls this selfish. It feels a lot like the author's pushing the idea that she doesn't have a right to decide she doesn't love him. Which is just stupid.

A few final points. First off, there's so much girl hating going on. There's not one single intimate and kind female relationship. Coralline has no friends besides her shark, her mother is absolutely horrible, Rosette is supposedly competing for Coralline's fiance's attention so is also terrible and spends her time spreading malicious rumours about Coralline, her fiance's mother hates her and her mother, her mother hates the apothecary, the list goes on. And it's so tedious. What is the point in writing this into your book? Personally, it's a guaranteed way to lose me as a reader.

Lastly, to top off the misogyny, a woman gets fridged in the last part. Because we didn't have enough of it yet.

So yeah. This book? Not worth it.

Review - "If I Loved You Less"

If I Loved You Less
by Tamsen Parker
rating: ☆
published: 20th September 2018
spoilers? a few

Goodreads

ARC kindly provided by Tamsen Parker

The problem I seem to have with Austen retellings is that I almost go into them with too high expectations, and I'm invariably disappointed. Because, let's be real, nothing can really reach the same levels as Austen herself - I should probably save myself the disappointment and stop thinking they might.

That being said, I think this book also suffered a little because Emma happens to be my least favourite Austen and the one I found most boring when I read it (yes, I still liked it, but if I'm ranking the novels, it's definitely sixth out of six). So, maybe I shouldn't have been that surprised when I didn't like this as much as I might have. However, I think I might still have rated this two stars instead of only one if I hadn't got so annoyed by some aspects of it.

But let me back up a moment, and talk about some things I liked about this book. It's set in Hawaii and the cast is more racially diverse than the original (not hard to do, obviously, but it's still something worth noting). I liked that Tamsen Parker decided to shake things up a bit like that. Also, the writing was mostly good - there were a couple of lines where I was just like what, but on the whole, it was very readable. Unfortunately, that's all offset by a whole part in the middle dealing with Theo's sexuality that annoyed me so much I had to rate this one star.

To start with, Theo is only attracted to women. She mentions this a few times, she rejects Brock and tells him she's only attracted to women, calls him out when he says maybe she's just not yet met the right man. And yet. She refuses to use the word lesbian. Because she isn't "fundamentally opposed to the idea of being with a man". But she's obviously not attracted to men in the text, so all I'm getting here is that she doesn't want to call herself a lesbian on the off chance that one day she'll meet a man she's attracted to. And then later on, there's this line: "the squishier label of queer had always felt more comfortable than the more rigid identity of lesbian". Like once you choose a label for your sexuality, that's it. There's no changing. I know the whole "sexuality is fluid" thing is a bit iffy, but. Sexuality can be fluid. Her labelling herself as lesbian now, because she's only attracted to women, doesn't mean she's completely incapable of realising later on that maybe she is attracted to other genders too.

And it really does feel in the narrative that this is just playing into a kind of "you're not a lesbian, you just haven't met the right man" idea. It would be, not fine, but better, if, when she thinks she's attracted to Austin, the author takes the chance to bring up comphet, and how maybe this attraction is just to do with the fact that she thinks she ought to be attracted to him, and that their fathers used to push it when they were younger (which is briefly mentioned but not framed in terms of comphet). Because it's obvious she isn't really attracted to him. It's clearly comphet. And it would have been really nice to at least attempt a discussion of that in this, when you have this example just sat there waiting for you. It would have made the whole labelling issue I had feel a lot less like "you just haven't met the right man". And, ultimately, I might have liked the book quite a bit more if that had been the direction taken.

But in the end, what I'm left with is yet another Austen retelling that leaves me feeling disappointed.

Review - "Concerto in Chroma Major"

Concerto in Chroma Major
by Naomi Tajedler
rating: ☆
published: 12th July 2018
spoilers? yes

Goodreads

Galley provided by publisher

File this under "books that make me suffer when reviewing because I'm having to relive the whole damn mess". My one word review here would be "Disappointed". Capital d and everything.

The good things

- Were there any?

The bad things

- I wanna say it started off alright, but, in truth, it really didn't. I was only a chapter in when I realised the writing was not for me. I don't want to say bad, because it wasn't nearly as awful as some stuff I've read, but it wasn't good. It was in present tense (already a killer for me), but it was also really purple prosey and it ended up falling flat.

- Anna is the best person to talk about the Polish rep, but let me just say. I got some excellent reactions everytime I sent her something with the Polish character.

- The fatphobia. Yikes.

"Not your type." Halina barks out a short laugh and rests her head against the window, her eyes lost in nocturnal Paris outside. "What's not my type?" "American. And chubby." They laugh derisively. "Like I said, not your type."

"I didn't expect someone of her type to be... hardworking, so to speak." "Her type?" [...] "Oh, come on, Lina," Ari says with a small, uncertain laugh. "People like her, yeah. Didn't you say she's bi? And she's a fatty too. Neither have the best rep."

- The biphobia. Also yikes. (See quote above.) And yeah, it kind of gets challenged, but only by Alexandra, and for the angst plotline. It's not challenged before that, and Ari's biphobia and fatphobia never is. And the whole romance with Alexandra seems designed to teach Halina that actually bi and fat people are alright!

- There is zero tension between Alexandra and Halina. They have sex like 5 chapters in and then there's a two week timeskip and suddenly Alexandra is in love with her. Their whole relationship is predicated on lust and there is no tension. So there's no reason for me to care when it comes to the point that they break up and there's angst.

- This scene.

She [Alexandra] orders a Continental Sour and subtly checks to make sure the kimono fold of her dress is not too revealing. Just the top of her cleavage is showing. Good. Her outfit marks her as the quirky American artist who can bring color to the lives...

- The whole ""love triangle"" between Leo, Halina and Alexandra was tedious and overdone. I say ""love triangle"" because it was more like Leo still wanted Alexandra and thought they were "destined" to end up together, while Halina was, despite being a complete bitch at times, the one Alexandra actually wanted. But of course they had to keep having metaphorical dick measuring contests and not actually like each other.

Those are the major things but if you want more, I made a whole thread here. To quote Michelle, "yoinks".

Review - "Anger Is A Gift"

Anger is a Gift
by Mark Oshiro
rating: ☆
published: 22nd May 2018
spoilers? yeah, fairly major one

Goodreads

Galley provided by publisher

I really need to start a shelf which sorts books into the category of "it's not you, it's me" because this is one of those ones. I figure the best way to get through this review is by listing the good and bad things so, here we go.

THE GOOD

- The diversity! The cast of characters in this book was fairly diverse, especially in terms of the LGBT community being represented, which was great to see. And I really did like most of the characters a lot.

- Moss and Javier were cute, though perhaps their relationship progressed a bit fast, but I get why it did for the plot. (I also get why That had to happen, but I'm not happy about it.)

THE BAD

- The writing was, not objectively bad bad, because obviously people have really loved it, but for me it was cringey, and at times felt like the author was trying too hard to be relatable and down with the kids. And, yeah, at times I did think it was straight up bad so, that too.

- Because the writing was bad, my enjoyment of the book plummeted, if I'm honest. The writing is what makes or breaks a book for me first off. Characters are secondary - I can get through a book with unlikeable characters alright if the writing is good, but a book with bad writing becomes a slog, no matter how much I like the characters.

- Another personal quibble I had: the use of the q-slur as a blanket term. So, sure, reclaim it for yourself, but I hate having to read it as a blanket term. It's actually started making me feel sick seeing it so, that wasn't fun when it showed up in this book.

- I wouldn't say this book is bury your gays, but a gay character does die in it. I understand why that had to happen - Moss needs a catalyst for his anger to surface properly, and it was never not going to be a death when you consider the subject matter of the book, and it had to be someone he loved, which leaves his mother, his best friend, and his boyfriend. But yeah. I doesn't mean I had to like it.

- At one point, an ace character compared her struggles to those of a lesbian character, which felt really uncomfortable. Firstly, they're not the same, no matter who's comparing them. Secondly, and more majorly, I don't feel like it's Mark Oshiro's place to be making that statement of comparison. He did similar things with women making comments about men being trash and all too, and it just felt uncomfortable. Like when a straight author has their gay characters make comments about straight people. It just doesn't feel right.

So yeah. Overall, my one word review for this book would probably, unfortunately, have to be: disappointing.

Review - "The Belles"

The Belles, The Belles #1
by Dhonielle Clayton
rating: ☆
published: 6th February 2018
spoilers? big ones

Goodreads

Galley provided by publisher

I meant to wait a little while until I was less angry about this book, but I don't see that happening anytime soon, to be quite honest. Actually, scratch angry. I'm fucking furious. I have never been gladder to have been spoiled a character death in my life.

This book is bury your gays. There we go. I said it. It's bury your gays.

In this book, there are two (potentially three) sapphic characters. One of them is in love with one of her attendants but, this being an inadvisable and socially wrong match, nothing can happen between them. That's already a tragic gay story, so excuse me if I'm not sympathetic to anything more.

Unfortunately, a lot more happens. The princess (cruel, slightly unstable, generally just horrible and sadistic) decides that Claudine has to marry a man. And this man is a gross attempted rapist. So that's bad enough. And great, we get to see (once again) that the princess is horrible and cruel and should not be allowed to rule.

But it doesn't stop there. Oh no. The princess decides that two Belles have to change Claudine's appearance, each three times, as a competition to find this gross fuck of a man's favourite look. And they push it so hard Claudine dies. There's plenty of comments earlier in the book about how painful the Belles' work is, so essentially Claudine is tortured to death. And this happens in front of everyone.

And the only point to this scene is so those Belles, Camille and Amber, can be accused of murder. That's it. It would have been so so so easy not to have had the character be Claudine, but no. Apparently, even in this fantasy universe, LGBT characters are not allowed anything near a happy ending. Instead, they get tortured to death for a cruel princess's power kick.

What we end up with is yet another gay character being murdered (1) for cishet pain, (2) to show how cruel the villain is (and note that she's already been shown to be cruel many times over), (3) for the tragedy, and (4) FOR NO FUCKING REASON.

I am so incredibly furious at this book. But I am also glad beyond belief that I went into the book having been spoiled for this character's death. Not how, but at least that it happens. Because it was fucking awful reading about it having known it was coming, I wouldn't wish anyone to read it without foreknowledge.

Besides that, I had some more mundane problems too. The plot was kind of boring for the best part of 450 pages. Honestly, if you're going to have a book that long, get things moving a bit quicker. There was the occasional hook to keep you interested, but I really just skimread most of it. Maybe it didn't help that I knew about the spoiler beforehand, but also I read one chapter and realised I didn't actually like the premise. So it wasn't an auspicious start. The writing was occasionally purple prosey, but overall pretty good. As for the characters, I only liked three of them and they hardly really appeared (and one of them died, so thanks for that).

All that might ordinarily have lead me to rate this book 2 stars, but then that happened and I was too angry to ever rate it higher than 1. Honestly, it doesn't even deserve that many.

Review - "Battle Royale"

Battle Royale
by Koushun Takami
rating: ☆
published: April 1999
spoilers? no

Goodreads

How to I explain how much I despised this book? Let's just say that if I could rate a book zero stars on this site, this book would be one I would give that honour to.

I started this book way back in June. I picked it up just before I headed back home from uni, but I only read one chapter before I realised that I just wasn't in the mood for a dystopia like this. It sat on my desk, unread, for a good month, before I packed it to go on holiday because I just really wanted to get it read finally.

Good Lord, do I wish I hadn't.

The writing in this is terrible, and I don't know if that's because this was a clunky translation or if the writing is genuinely that bad. Either way, it was so cringeworthy I just couldn't take any of it seriously. Every time I read a bit out to my parents (we were all stuck in a tent and it was raining), I got a round of groans or snorts of laughter, depending on whether the particular part I'd chosen was bad, or so-bad-you-really-have-to-laugh. And don't even get me started on the song lyrics that were thrown in at random, because the main character loves rock music. The goddamn book literally ended with the lyrics of 'Born to Run' by Bruce Springsteen! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Then there's the characters. There were so many of them, I genuinely lost track. And none of them seem to have any personality. You can sum each of them up using one, maybe two (if they're lucky), words and there, you're done. Not to mention I just wanted to slap the main character around a bit to, one, get rid of his naivety ("oh no, we all just want to work together," he says, as everyone starts killing everyone else), and two, to get him to shut up with that lowkey misogynism. He genuinely says at one point, that the girl would make a good wife. Miss me with that, thanks.

So yeah. Christ do I wish I hadn't bothered.

Review - "The Goblins of Bellwater"

The Goblins of Bellwater
by Molly Ringle
rating: ☆
published: 1st October 2017
spoilers? yes

Goodreads

Galley provided by publisher

Not gonna lie, I was probably turned off this book from about 20 pages in, when I had to read the line She fell and never hit the ground. The goblins carried her crowd-surf style. because no one deserves to have to read a line that bad.

But I continued. And discovered just how much of a mess this book was. Firstly, for all that it was a fantasy book, there was actually not that much world-building in terms of the goblins. Later on, you found out how they got to be there, and the deal they had with Kit's family, but felt a little light. Come to think of it, most aspects of the book felt like that. There didn't feel to be too much in the way of characterisation or plot, and I was actually pretty bored for the most part.

Then I got to the mess that was Grady and Skye's relationship. First of all, Skye chooses Grady as her mate, so she doesn't have to choose a goblin. Does Grady get a say in this? No. Does Grady even know Skye before she comes up to him in the woods and snogs him? No. Does all this seem a dubiously consensual premise for a relationship? Absolutely.

Basically now, throughout their relationship, Grady is being influenced by the goblin's magic. Which means, what he might think he feels for Skye is actually a product of the magic. And Skye knows this. But does she try stay away from him, limit the damage, maybe stop him being involved? Nope. She instead takes him to a place where the magic is stronger, and has sex with him. In a situation in which he cannot give his consent because the magic is making him want to do it. Hence why I did not like their relationship. Kit and Livy's was somewhat better, although it did seem rushed, and to be quite frank, absolutely pointless. Do all the characters need to be paired up in relationships? Apparently yes.

What was good about the book was that it did have Grady and Skye have a discussion about all they'd done while under the goblins' spell. But I'd appreciate the attempt more if it had actually felt a serious one. They ended up deciding that they did genuinely have feelings for each other, although how they could have known that when they'd only known each other while under the spell defeats me. Maybe they should have tried to get to know each other anew, because that to me would make more sense. Either way, that relationship was the main reason I didn't like this book, despite the promise of the initial premise.

Review - "The Broken Bridge"

The Broken Bridge
by Philip Pullman
rating: ☆
published: 2nd May 2017
spoilers? yes

Goodreads

Galley provided by publisher

DNF @ 45%

To be honest, I was disappointed by this one. I don't know if it's me misremembering how good Philip Pullman's writing is, or it's because this is an earlier one of his than His Dark Materials, but I was just underwhelmed by it.

The Broken Bridge tells the story of a mixed race girl growing up in a small, Welsh village in the 1990s. One day, she finds out that her dad wasn't married to her mother, as she had thought, but instead to another woman, and he'd had a child with her, before meeting Ginny's mother (meanwhile, not having divorced the first woman). And that revelation takes up the first half of the book. It's pretty tedious, to be honest. I was expecting some fantasy aspect to the book, but there was none.

It's understandable that if you're writing about a mixed race child growing up in a small, presumably relatively isolated, village in the 90s, you're going to have to touch on racism and microaggressions at some point. That's surely to be expected. Except every time Pullman approached the subject, he managed to make a mess of it. There is some clear internalised racism going on, made especially so when Ginny, who's mother is Haitian and studied art, refers to Haitian artists as "primitives".

"The lady from Haiti? They have a lot of painters there." "Yeah," Ginny said, "primitives. Peasants. I know about them. But she wasn't like that. I can't be, either. See, once you know about Picasso and stuff, Matisse, all the modern painters, well, you can't pretend to be a peasant who's never seen them.... You're stuck, really. You can't go back; you've got to go forward. My mother, she was studying art properly, like I'm going to do." "European art," Stuart said.

Ginny, herself an aspiring artist, should surely know better than to value the European artists over another style of art, let alone refer to that different style of art (coincidentally one with non-white artists) as primitive or lesser. It also seems that Pullman is using Stuart, a white guy, to tell her that this is a dubious opinion to hold. Especially when he goes on to tell her about Haiti, from his perspective (granted it's because she doesn't know because she's never been, but couldn't she have read about it at least?).

At this point, I just gave up. Coupled with the fact that the other black character, a boy who has been adopted by white parents, refers to himself as "a white kid with a black face" - which I get is intended to reference the fact he doesn't feel like he fits in anywhere but instead feels uncomfortable coming from a white author - I just had to stop.

Review - "Making Faces"

Making Faces
by Amy Harmon
rating: ☆
published: 21st February 2017
spoilers? some

Goodreads

Galley provided by publisher

DNF at 15%

I may be a masochist when it comes to finishing awful books, but I am not so much of one that I will finish a book that makes me almost cry with how bad it is. I don't know if that's just me, because most of my Goodreads friends have rated this 5 stars, but I just can't do it.

Honestly, I knew from about the first chapter that I wasn't going to enjoy this one. The description Fern gives of Ambrose

"The squared-off edge of his sculpted jaw kept him from being too pretty, that and the fact that he was six foot three in his socks, weighed a strapping 215 pounds by the age of eighteen, and had a body corded with muscle from his shoulders to his well-shaped calves."

was just too much. If that had been because 18-year old Fern was infatuated with him that would be alright, I could accept that because then the writing style would change. But there was more

"Fern Taylor loved Ambrose Young, had loved him since she was ten years old and had heard his young voice lifted in a very different kind of song, but in that moment he reached a whole new level of beauty, and Fern was left reeling and dazed that one boy could be gifted with so much."

Because of course he's perfect at everything he does [biggest eye roll known to man].

And this writing style continues even when it's not in Fern's point of view (which was the dealbreaker for me - if it had been because of Fern's infatuation, I could have coped).

"Ambrose wasn't trying to be a jerk. He just didn't understand. And the little redhead with the crazy, curly hair was kind of freaking him out. He'd seen her before at school and knew her name. But he didn't know her. He wondered if she was special. His dad said he had to be nice to kids who were special, because they couldn't help the way they were."

The point at which I just couldn't take it anymore, was when Ambrose decided he wanted to join the army because

"Like the whole country, he wanted someone to pay for the deaths of three thousand people on 9/11. He wanted justice for the kids who lost their moms or dads."

"The United States was in Afghanistan, but some people thought Iraq was next. Someone had to go. Someone had to fight. If not him, then who? What if nobody went? Would it happen again?"

No consideration of the kids who would lose their mums and dads when the US invaded though, but I don't know why I expected otherwise. It's a book about war, written by an American author. What else is it likely to do? (Which I should have known before picking it up, etc etc - I knew it was about war, I didn't realise it was set in 2001.)

Also every time a character said something happened, or someone told them something, there was a flashback to that moment. Like, is that really necessary? And I don't know if it was just the formatting of the ebook, but it was hard to tell when the flashbacks started and ended.

So in the end, I just gave up. The prospect of finishing this book didn't appeal at all. I have better things to do with my time than force myself through it.

Review - "Ensnared"

Ensnared
by Rita Stradling
rating: ☆
published: 18th December 2017
spoilers? a few

Goodreads

Galley provided by publisher

To be blunt, if I could rate this book zero stars, I would. I wouldn't even give it half a star - it does not merit it.

Let's start with the premise. It's a good one, a futuristic retelling of Beauty and the Beast, right? But the rose is not a rose, instead a robot named Rose. And the Beast is not a beast but a heavily facially-scarred man. At this, we get to the first sticking point. In the original, the beast is a man who is cursed to look like a horrific monster. So, is the author comparing the looks of a scarred man to those of a horrific monster? Apparently so. And if you follow that thread, then the curse appears to be either child abuse at the hands of his mother (which, I will come to later), or his terrible immune system which means he can't leave the house (in itself, framed as a result of his abusive mother never letting him leave). What seems like a good premise quickly turns into a mess.

So the premise is a problem. But perhaps the writing can solve the issues.

Not so. To begin with, the writing itself is tedious and the story drags immensely. I actually ended up skimming long scenes just because nothing was happening.

Secondly, Lorccan (the "beast") is a controlling and manipulative arsehole. I have numerous quotes saved related to this, but in the interests of keeping this review short, here are a choice few.

"You will come to the dining room every day at six exactly. If I am not in there, you will wait for me until I am. If I do not come, you will leave the dining room at seven." "Yes, sir." "You will not call me sir. You will call me Lorccan or Lor." "Yes, Lorccan" "And you will never come out of your room at night, ever." This he almost yelled.

"I cannot ingest food," Alainn told him. "I was assured that you could. That you could ingest it, then clean it out of your system by bringing the food back up," he sounded almost angry as he said it.

"You can go to your room," he said in a low voice. Alainn nodded. "Okay." "Go straight there. Once you are inside, you will be locked in for the night."

"Where are you?" she asked. "I am in my office, but I can see you." His voice sounded no less annoyed as he answered.

"What is going on?" he yelled. "I have... important computations to do. My systems are telling me my computations are more important than eating food with some man in the dark." He said nothing but after a second, his footsteps approached the bed. She swallowed hard and scooted to sit on the edge. "You will come to dinner." He was close, a hulking shadow directly before her.

So yeah. And this is the relationship I am supposed to be rooting for. There's absolutely no character development whatsoever either. Also, when she refuses to do as he is ordering her to, he gets upset and asks why she is so insistent on upsetting him. Tell me how this isn't a prime example of an emotionally abusive relationship.

Alainn, for about half the book, is pretending to be a robot for Lorccan. And it's during this first half of the book that they start a sexual relationship and apparently fall in love (though where that development is in the text defeats me). Which is terrible, because this is a huge deception, and Alainn is perfectly happy just keeping it up while also flirting with Lorccan. Don't you think Lorccan deserves to know not everything is as he thinks it is before you start up your relationship, Alainn? The first sex scene also happens immediately after Lorccan wakes up after a nightmare. I don't know about you, but on waking up from a nightmare, I feel pretty disorientated and not at all sure of what is going on. Lorccan, on the other hand, doesn't seem to have this problem. And there's no residual fear from the nightmare either. Alainn vaguely expresses not wanting to take advantage of him while he's vulnerable, but she doesn't seem like she's actually going to not have sex with him if he says he is.

There's also the whole thing where Lorccan's nightmares (and presumably his inability to go outside - though this is never explained, and if it is supposed to represent the curse, never resolved either) turn out to be a result of horrific abuse by his mother, which his father helpfully tells him is because his [Lorccan's] scars upset her. And there's never anything in the narrative to point out that this is abusive and victim-blaming in itself. And the abuse is genuinely only mentioned once. One time. All it does, is tell you what Lorccan's nightmares are about. And then it's abandoned. The true definition of using abuse as a plot device.

And then there's the point this review makes well. That Alainn does not care about Lorccan until she sees his scars and realises that she wants to help him. Which is framed as her "hero complex". Just when you thought this couldn't get messier, it does.

Also, there's hardly any evidence of a so-called "hero complex" anyway. More like Alainn's reckless with her own life, and others'. And then there's the whole 'her best friend was killed in a kidnapping' which a) why was she kidnapped? Because of her father's debts? Not made clear, and b) she appears to have suffered no effects as a result of the trauma. Maybe that is realistic, but if I'm supposed to believe that bringing up her best friend, as the robot does at one point, it doesn't make sense for her not to be thinking about her at least once besides this moment. Another thing that seems like a plot device just thrown in as an afterthought.

TL,DR; why didn't I dnf earlier.

Review - "Where Dead Men Meet"

Where Dead Men Meet
by Mark Mills
rating: ☆
published: 17th November 2016
spoilers? nope

Goodreads

Galley provided by publisher

I think the problem I have with books like this, historical thrillers, is that I'm always unintentionally comparing them to Aly Monroe's Peter Cotton series, which is incredible. Thus, whenever something of this genre isn't quite as good, it is compounded by the comparison.

That being said, I think saying this is only not quite as good does someone a disservice. Because, honestly, this is very much not as good. I had high hopes for it - the plot starts straightaway, which I appreciated, with 4 people (at least) being killed in the first 20-odd pages. And really, it's not the plot I had the problem with; it was the writing mostly.

Throughout the book, the pacing seems off. After the initial burst of action at the beginning, everything slows down. And then there's another burst of action, and then it slows down again, and this pattern repeats right until the end. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it just doesn't seem to fit with the genre. I was expecting a lot more action-packed a novel. There's also the fact that everything seems to be broken up with flashbacks or reminiscences, which further slow the pace down. Now, they would be fine in moderation, but they're used every time the author introduces a new character, whether they'll appear again or not. And that's just not necessary. I don't need a three page backstory explaining the actions and motivations of a character who won't show up again after they've done what the plot requires them to. It also meant there were a lot of POV switches too (or rather, the focus moved between a lot of characters, as it was in third person). I felt it would have been better to pick one or two and focus on them.

The writing was also not as high quality as I expected. I mean, for sure, it wasn't the worst writing I've read, but there were definitely some lines which had me rolling my eyes and cringing, like "It wasn't Luke's first ever meal in Italy - that, presumably, had been taken at his mother's breast - but it felt as though it was."

And to top it all off, there were just long durations of the book for which I was bored. Like, bored-out-of-my-mind bored. Like, almost-gave-up-on-it bored. It just wasn't for me. Hence, the 1-star.

Review - "Ever The Hunted"

Ever The Hunted Clash of Kingdoms #1
by Erin Summerill
rating:☆
published: 27th December 2016
spoilers? not really

Goodreads

Galley provided by publisher

The main thing this book suffers from is that, quite honestly, it's all been done before. Everything about this book reminded me of other YA fantasies I'd read, and to top it all off, it was full of clichés.

I'm going to start with the main character, Britta, who, as YA fantasy MCs are wont, is pale and does not believe herself to be beautiful. So far, so yawn. She is also an Amazing tracker. But not really, because she seems to miss a helluva lot of trails throughout the book. Add onto that, she is so incredibly naïve. I mean, there's naivety, but then there's Naivety, which is what we see from Britta. She is also very, very bland. But, get this!, she has this amazing ability to be able to tell when people are lying. (She feels the warmth of truth. Spare me.) She's different from other girls. (OK, OK, I'm getting sarky now. I'll chill.) (She's also so bloody helpless! And then she goes and complains when people do what they do to protect her!)

Not to mention she seemed some kind of cross between a Sarah J Maas character, and Mare from Red Queen. And not in a good way.

She also has this ability to sense when Cohen is around. You could just hear my eyes roll into the back of my head at this point.

The book also had the slightly irritating habit of throwing in bits of information that it hadn't previously mentioned, like when Molly the innkeeper's wife showed up out of nowhere. To be fair though, that could easily have been me. I was skim reading a little at the time.

Moving on to Cohen and Britta. With this relationship, the author seems to be throwing all the possible tropes in. To list a few: her not believing he could ever like her, she does something stupid and he gets irrationally pissed off, she puts on a dress and he goes all goggle-eyed at her, her thinking that putting on a dress will make her immediately unrecognisable to the guards chasing her, and of course, the obligatory I shouldn't have kissed you. It's been a while since I read a book with these tropes, and I forgot how much they annoyed me.

There were also a few scenes which irritated me. One goes thus:

"I didn't mean to hurt you. Are you all right?" "I wasn't being serious. Don't start treating me like a weak girl now.

Because apparently that's the route we're going to go down. The one where someone asking if you're alright means they're treating you as a "weak girl". Thanks.

The second scene has Britta asking if two Channelers (basically sorceresses) could marry and have a stronger offspring. To which Enat laughs and says marry? no of course not, because Channelers are all women. And Britta laughs too, because apparently there are no lesbians in this world, ha ha ha.

I also wasn't a fan of the writing. It felt kind of forced at points, and somewhat overdramatic (there was a big reveal late on, and I just laughed, because the writing was so over the top).

So yeah. Suffice to say, I didn't enjoy this one.

Review - "Sucktown, Alaska"

Sucktown,Alaska
by Craig Dirkes
rating:☆
published: 1st May 2017
spoilers? yes

Goodreads

Galley provided by publisher

I was really looking forward to this one - the premise sounded like it could be good and I was hoping for some murder mystery type story. Did I get that? Not in the least.

The prologue had me hyped. Eddie was being shot at by some mysterious stranger, for some mysterious reason, so naturally I was intrigued.

The rest of the book? Was a bit of a disappointment, to be honest.

The plot, essentially, goes like this. Eddie Ashford flunks out of college. To get back in, or at least have a chance of getting back in, he heads out to the arse-end of nowhere, Alaska, to work in a newspaper. There, he meets this girl (we'll get to her in a moment). Said girl rejects him, at which point he decides he absolutely has to get out of the place. Because he's been rejected. (I don't get it either.) But he doesn't have the money. So what does he start to do? He starts smuggling weed. But, there is, in the arse-end of nowhere, Alaska, an, if not thriving, then extensive, bootlegging trade. And he manages to step on the toes of some of the major players, and wind up in trouble.

So. Not a murder mystery.

My major problem with this book was how the narrator talked about women (or rather, one woman, Taylor, the one who rejects him). To start with, he says (on first seeing her):

Ho. Lee. Shit.

Standing there might have been the hottest girl I'd seen. Ever. Anywhere. On TV, in person, in a magazine, in a movie, on a billboard. My ding dong went from zero to boner faster than a car's airbag can deply. I untucked my red flannel shirt to hide it.

The girl looked exotic. I couldn't pinpoint her lineage. Whatever she was, it amounted to a luscious mishmash of every female physical characteristic I held dear. Tall? Check. Long, straight blond hair? Check. Olive skin? Check. Pouty lips? Check. Hint of a buttchin? Check. Big bombs? Che - actually I couldn't tell. The light blue sweater she wore was too bulky. But with how perfect the rest of her was, it was fair to assume she was holding a nice rack of sleeper boobs under there.

Charming, right? But wait. It continues.

They get into emailing each other, as friends, or at least on her part. He on the other hand, is only in it for sex. He calls her emails boring, when they are telling him about her, because they aren't flirty. He "sees red" when she talks to another guy, even though they are just friends, even though he is nothing to her. Then she rejects him, and there comes the part where he wants to get out. Because she just wants to be friends with him.

Next comes this guy's "pussy complex". I am just as baffled as you are. He explains it like so,

I'd always had a major pussy complex. It all started when I was little, watching my dad and Max do guy stuff I wasn't mentally or physically capable of doing. They fixed cars, landscaped, finished basements - you name it. Growing up in Zimmerman never did my complex any favours, because every guy was a hard-ass. They knocked my dick in the dirt ever time a story of mine printed in the junior high school newspaper. Writing was art, and art was for pussies.

Lovely.

But I endured more. Even as every sexist quote made me want to tear my eyeballs out, and burn a copy of this book in effigy (which would have been quite hard given it's an ebook, but I would have found a way).

But wait now. A steam? With Taylor? And Bristy and Hope? With them naked? With me naked? Was this a joke? A mom suggesting that a horny and half-hard-already me strip down with her gorgeous daughter, inside a tiny, hot, steamy dark room?

This comes after he gets rejected, when he decides actually being friends could be OK. Because he's a sleazeball. Next is,

The girl of my dreams was sitting five feet in front of my face, naked. No bra. No panties. No nothing. Not even a bracelet around her wrist. Naked.

Insta-bone. I got the biggest one I'd ever had. It grew so tall, so fast, I thought it might smack my chin like an uppercut.

Boys are gross.

Thankfully, after this point there wasn't much more I objected to, and the last 50 pages actually saw the story pick up a bit. Too bad that couldn't make up for the previous 300.

Review - "Falling From The Sky"

Falling From The Sky Bear Creek #1
by Nikki Godwin
rating:☆
published: 21st February 2014
spoilers? yes

Goodreads

“And what do you want, McCoy?” Terrence asks. “Really and truly?” “For this summer to never end.”

Hold on, folks, this could be a bumpy (and sarcastic and slightly angry because I wasted 2 1/2 hours on this book) ride.

First of all, it's always a bad sign when you get kind of leery about a book within the first chapter of that book. I mean, it doesn't help that one of the first comments made about the Native American character is

He nods. "I'm Micah. Youngblood." I was expecting something cooler. Like Blackfeather. Or Wolfcry. Something more Native American than Youngblood.

At which point, I was like, do I really want to be reading this book? But I continued, and came across this gem

"I'm guessing you're Ridge," he says to me. He tosses a gym bag onto the only empty bed. I seriously thought I lucked up just having Terrence as a roommate. I should've known better. "And I'd assume you're Terrence? I've never met a white guy named Terrence," he says.

I guess it's an effective way to mark out the arsehole, and make a point that Terrence is not white (which is pretty vague, but I'm being a little harsh. It does mention later that he is black). Anyway, having welcomed the douchecanoe, I figured I might as well get a bit further before deciding whether or not to continue the book.

Next up, Douchecanoe(TM) confesses that he can't possibly live without sex for the length of time the camp runs but, given that his girlfriend is back home, he's obviously going to have to find some girl nearby who will give him what he wants. And here I was thinking that they were at some elite, invitation-only, basketball camp and so would be serious about the sport. Clearly, I was mistaken.

Also at this point, I was getting increasingly doubtful of the portrayal of the Native American characters in this book. I don't know how much research the author did, but I felt like it was kind of leaning towards playing on stereotypes. I haven't been able to find any reviews which verify that though.

Then comes this (other) gem of a quote

"Okay. You asked for it," he warns. "The thing is, I hate labels. All labels. Race, gender, sexuality, all of it. I don't see color or gender or gay, straight, bi, whatever."

Which leads me to wonder, how much of this is the (white) author putting words into their Native American character's mouth in an attempt to be 'progressive'. I would hazard a guess that it's quite a bit. But then she has the white character say that he couldn't do the same, ie that he doesn't "not see colour". And once again I'm kind of leery. What's the author playing at? Is she wanting the white dude to seem more progressive than the Native American dude? Because, if so, that's gross.

Anyway. Moving on from that, there's then this lovely quote

Micah assumes the 'guy role' and says it's just one ticket. I should totally be the guy. Micah is such a girl. Of course I can't tell him that - ever - because he hates stereotypical gay relationships where one of the guys is 'the girl of the relationship'.

Because you can't go anywhere with a relationship of any sort without imposing some lovely het values on proceedings.

By this point, Micah and Ridge are 'together'. But wait!! Ridge has a girlfriend back home (who he keeps damn mentioning, only to complain about in the same sentence. Damnit, Ridge. Just break up already. I am not here for your teenage angst bullshit). And who he's currently cheating on, making him no better than Aaron, right?

But no! It's ok, because Micah's a boy. I'm not kidding, there was this semi-justification of it

But then I remember that I'm not into guys, and I have a girlfriend, and this technically makes me a cheater. I wonder if this is like prison, how a lot of inmates are "gay for the stay" because they need some form of affection.

Putting aside the fact that he repeatedly claims he's not into guys (sidenote; you'd think he hasn't heard of bisexuality the way he's going on... Hmm....), which simultaneously cheating on his girlfriend with a guy, this 'gay for the stay' idea is gross. Get this shit away from me.

There are also huge gaps in the development of their relationship. Like, one moment, they're kissing and Ridge is leaping away and having a gay/I-have-a-girlfriend freakout and then 5 pages (and an hour or so) later he's perfectly happy letting Micah kiss him. I don't understand.

And to top it off, would you believe it, Samantha's a bitch. She has no personality, all she likes to do is shop, and she's horrible to Ridge when he (finally) breaks up with her. But it turns out she was also cheating on him! So Ridge cheating on her with Micah is obviously now doubly ok. Because logic.

One last point, Micah is actually kind of manipulative. He puts Ridge in these coupley situations when he knows Ridge isn't entirely comfortable all the time with them, without checking whether Ridge wants to be in those situations and just lets him deal with it. It doesn't feel like particularly healthy relationship behaviour to me.

Actual last point: Terrence was easily the best character in this book, even if he did seem to be there just to have the role of relationship guru.

Review - "Fierce & Fabulous"

Fierce & Fabulous Sassy Boyz #1
by Elizabeth Varlet
rating:☆
published: 27th June 2016
spoilers? yes

Goodreads

Where do I start with this trainwreck of a book? Firstly, it's probably worrying that the series is called Sassy Boyz (with a Z). That doesn't bode well. Secondly, the title, Fierce & Fabulous. I'm going to hazard a guess that we're going for all the stereotypes of gay men here.

And, lo and behold, we did.

The book opened up with a straight man in a gay bar. And this straight man was pretty homophobic. Not a promising start to say the least. Then the dancers (who I assume are the sassy boyz or whatever) come out and start dancing, and they are so effeminate that he thinks they are women and subsequently gets turned on. Wonderful. (Not to mention the fact that he's also misogynistic... It just gets better and better.)

Anyway, he gets a lapdance from one of them etc, etc and then obviously can't stop thinking about this (effeminate, camp) gay man who is causing him to question his sexuality. Skip ahead a bit, and this guy's having to go back to the club to pick up a purse for his sister, and he walks in on their practice. At which point he rather randomly ends up kissing the one who'd given him a lapdance.

I actually can't remember a lot of the plot after this, but for the fact that they start going out and the lapdance guy has low self esteem and starts pushing the not-so-straight guy away, there's angst, they end up together. I wanted to slap someone a few times. Nothing particularly out of the ordinary, really.

The writing however was terrible. Take these quotes, for example:

Their mouths fused together in a carnal liplock that could probably make the devil blush, it was so fucking vulgar.

He'd never imagined balls could be so delicious.

And then there's that hinky little thing that all M/M romance authors seem to do, is have someone say they don't like labels. In this case it was along the lines of we're all humans so why bother with labels? Great. Then later, there was the lovely comment along the lines of I can't possibly be bi, because I only like one man. Needless to say, that didn't endear this book to me any.

Review - "The Deviants"

The Deviants
by C. J. Skuse
rating:☆
published: 22nd September 2016
spoilers? YES

Goodreads

Galley provided by publisher

This book was so good. I know, I know, it's pretty strange to open the review with that, given that I've rated it 1 star, but the writing and the characters were great, and I ended up crying at the end. What made me dislike it was the plot.

1) The opening

The book starts with Max and Ella (Ella being the narrator, and Max her boyfriend) on a date, late at night, in a garden centre. Which, fair enough, is explained, and is probably romantic in the context of their relationship. Max is keen to have sex (in the garden centre...) with Ella, and Ella's like, OK, let's do it. Only Max doesn't have any condoms. And do they stop? No. No, they don't. Not until Ella panics and then they do, but the fact that Max, who has clearly been wanting sex, so you'd think would be prepared, has no condoms does not faze them.

And then, when they're getting dressed again, a packet of something falls out his pocket, and she picks it up like what's this, and he says it's condoms. So. He apparently had condoms but claimed not to? (Turns out it's weed because that's so much better. And besides, how can you mistake a packet of weed for anything but that, even if you're only holding it for a few seconds?)

2) The constant theme of someone (unqualified) telling someone else "x is OK"

First it's Pete, the running coach, telling Ella that she doesn't owe Max sex. Like, no offence, but it would be so much better if another girl/woman told Ella that? (Thankfully, Fallon does later on.) And then it's Ella (a straight girl) telling Zane that it's OK to be gay. Thanks for that.

Later, Ella also says she needs to stay because Zane is still hurting and he needs help. Kind of presumptuous of a straight person to think that she is the one qualified to help Zane in this situation. Especially when she was a large part of the reason for him hurting in the first place...

3) Incest

Because Ella doesn't want to have sex, Max, instead of sticking with her, trying to figure things out, being patient, etc etc, goes and has sex with his cousin. His cousin. I have nothing more to say.

4) Girl hating

This is like my biggest bugbear ever. Ella hates on Shelby, Max's cousin, because she finds out he's having sex with her. Why not hate on Max? In fact, she doesn't even blame Max for it. Shelby must have been seducing him, is her take on it, and partly she blames herself for not having sex with Max and thus forcing him to seek it out somewhere else. Can this gross idea stop?

Then she decides to get revenge on Shelby for that. Again, why not Max? He was as involved in it as Shelby, but no. The revenge must be on Shelby.

(As a side note, Shelby at the end during the trial was amazing, and it was nice to have Ella calling her brave, but she only did so once she knew the truth?)

5) Max's jealousy of Pete

This was never fully explained. Was it because Ella spends so much time with Pete? Because she's training with him? Was it because of the weed? (FYI, you can't get away with blaming everything on the weed, especially if it's pointed out that Max has never liked Pete.)

Then there's the part where Max, thinking Pete was the one to abuse Ella and his sister Jess, kidnaps Pete and tries to kill him. I don't know what to say.

(Also, there's a part where Ella kisses Pete. Was that necessary?)

6) The bully is gay

And guess what? He hates himself and is so ashamed of being gay that he bullies everyone and regularly beats up the one (living) person who knows. And because of this, Ella and co decide to get revenge on him, and torment him so badly that he ends up trying to kill himself!! Ella even comments that they broke him!! And she's proud of it!! Such great representation, thanks so much.

Not to mention the part where he has sex with a girl in an attempt to prove that he's not gay, and gets her pregnant. Boy, we have every trope in the book here.

At least he's happy and gets a boyfriend (who we don't see) at the end.

7) The big secret that is revealed...

...is that Ella was r*ped and abused by Max's dad. As was Max's sister Jess, and so she killed herself. Ella even had a miscarriage because let's put all the tropes in why don't we? Honestly, I'm really tired of the big reveal in books being that the MC was abused.

And she dies. Because abuse victims can't live happily ever after, oh no. In fact, they can't ever be happy again (Ella even mentions that she hasn't been happy since the r*pe). I would have given this book one whole more star if Ella had survived. Even if she'd been in a coma after the standoff with Max's dad.

Instead, the big plot twist is that she's narrating the book as a ghost, and the body that's found on the beach in the first chapter is hers.

Great.

8) The writing

The last point I'm going to make, is that sometimes the writing sounded a bit off. There were a few sentences that were a bit strange (skin soft as catmint, I feel dangerous), and then there was the fact that they use asshole instead of arsehole when they're supposed to be in England. And at one point, Max says what the cocking hell. I have never in my life heard someone say that. You can't say that!! It's like when James Rollins tried to turn an adjective sodding into a noun sodder. You just can't.

Anyway. It was a good book, but it just had so many issues for me I ended up not liking it.

Review - "No Master"

No Master, Bounty #3
by Christine d'Abo
rating:☆
published: 27th June 2016
spoilers? yes

Goodreads

Galley provided by publisher

To be honest, I can't believe I finished this. I'm not entirely sure why I thought it would be a good idea to read it in the first place (honestly, the sex slave thing was pretty off-putting) but I did and so I read it.

And I wish I hadn't.

It's not that the writing was bad, as with most of these kinds of books which I give one star, because it wasn't. It's better writing than most of the ones I read, although that's not hard because sometimes the writing is flat out awful. The issues I had lay entirely with the plot.

For one, the whole sex slave thing is dodgy from the off. Especially the fact that Zain then has to go back into that environment after having escaped and endure it again. And Korbin doesn't really attempt to make it easier on him. There are the few cursory are you sure you're ok with this's but nothing else.

The mind reading stone is another problem I had. It just makes everything suspiciously easy. No worries that they can't communicate while they're in master-slave disguise (which, again, no thanks. Couldn't it have been the other way round? Also the bit where it's like Zain's all submissive, that he likes it? It doesn't seem all that believable given that he spend a lot of his life as a sex slave being abused by his master...) they can send thoughts to each other's minds (and just wait for it, by the end they don't even need the stone they've strengthened a connection in their mind that means they can do without! I'm willing to suspend belief for a lot of things but this is not one of them).

The final big problem I found was right near the end, at the climax, where Zain is captured by Clayson (his old master) and injected with the drug that works like ultra-Viagra and makes him hard, and then Clayson starts raping him and saying how everyone in his employ is going to rape Zain until he's raw and bleeding and dead. Like I am absolutely not here for shit like this when it's not apparently gratuitous, let alone when it is. It's gross and I really did almost quit reading right there in disgust. Instead I just skipped that scene. Then, a bit later, there's another scene where Clayson comes and beats up Zain and he slams his head repeatedly against the floor, but then two minutes later Zain's alright and walking around just fine. It doesn't make sense.

Just no, basically.

Review - "Break"

Break, Hard Hit #6
by Charity Parkerson
rating:☆
published: 18th April 2016
spoilers? yes

Goodreads

Galley provided by publisher

Sometimes, you've just got to admit that you can spot some books are obviously going to be crap from page 1. Even when you're hoping that it won't be.

First of all, everything in this book happened very quickly. I mean I get that it's a novella, but it was still a good 90-page novella so surely all the events could have been spread out a bit longer. As it was, it didn't allow for any development of characters, and the time skips didn't help with that.

Also, it read like a soap opera. I didn't realise I was going to be reading a hockey equivalent of Eastenders. Not that there was much hockey going on, given how much of a soap it was... I mean, like a page in, they're having sex (no build-up to it, we're just supposed to take it as read that they're a) best friends, and b) each crushing on the other), then about 25 pages later, they're broken up because Troy doesn't want to be Noah's "dirty little secret". And then a couple of pages after that, Troy gets into a car crash in which his sister is killed and they don't know if he'll make it. (You see what I mean about the soap opera feel?) Everything sorts itself out in true soap style too, although there's a twist at the end where Noah takes a hit playing hockey and ends up bleeding all over the ice (which, I would like to interject, sounds pretty unbelievable. I've never seen someone go down on their face intentionally, and also why wasn't he wearing a gum shield? Given the (shitty) style of hockey helmets, surely that's a must? Unless you feel like losing your teeth I guess).

That being said, I wasn't entirely against the characters. I did like them (even as I was shaking my head over their (read: Noah's) stupidity at times). It just couldn't override my dislike of the plot.

Review - "Actual Stop"

Actual Stop, Agent O'Connor #1
by Kara A. McLeod
rating:☆
published: 14th June 2016
spoilers? yes

Goodreads

Galley provided by publisher

DNF at 52%

I was honestly really excited for this one. It (ostensibly, at least) combines two of my favourite things: mystery stories and lesbians (which there aren't enough of). Needless to say, I was disappointed.

First of all, it was going relatively OK up until the point where I DNF-ed it. It was maybe a little boring - all there was going on was the presidential detail, when I was kind of expecting something more like FBI/Scott & Bailey but with lesbians (so OK maybe more than a little). The writing was good, but the characters were only vaguely interesting to me and that probably contributed to my boredom. I was ready for it to pick up, in other words.

And then, it's revealed that a Muslim character (who was earlier introduced in connection with a counterfeit case, which, OK, I was slightly amenable to letting slide) is connected to terrorists. At which point, I gave up. The thought that something like this might happen had actually gone through my mind when we first were introduced to him, but I was holding out for him being innocent. Obviously, it didn't turn out like that. And I don't care if in the end he isn't directly part of this terrorist plot or whatever (I don't know where the plot was going because I gave up before it could get there), the fact that the author's gone 'oh, Muslim character -> terrorists' is more than enough of a reason for me to quit.

Another (brief) issue I had was how much of an overreaction Lucia seemed to have, over the simple issue of Ryan looking at Allison. Like, can you not just talk it out? Did it have to get so blown out of proportion? (I'm 90% sure there was the implication that when you're with someone you can't so much as look at someone who you might be attracted to let alone actually be attracted to them.) Like, OK, it was a plot device to have Ryan single so she can get together with Allison, but it could have been done in an entirely friendly way, with Lucia and Ryan staying friends. Right?

Anyway, I was prepared to overlook that before the terrorism thing came up and I quit. Which is a shame because I really was looking forward to this book.