by Dana Elmendorf
rating:☆
published: 1st April 2016
spoilers? yes
Goodreads
How do you expect anyone to accept you if you can't accept yourself?
Galley provided by publisher.
You know how, when you're watching a crap TV show, one of those ones that's horrifyingly bad - so bad you just want to cover your eyes and ears and stop watching, but it's compellingly horrifying. It's like a train wreck or a car crash, you're fixated on how badly everything is going wrong. That's me with this book.
I had high hopes. The synopsis reminded me a lot of The Miseducation of Cameron Post which is one of my all time favourites. Unfortunately, that didn't hold up.
Within the first few pages I had issues with this book. The majority of the characters were racist as hell, which I know is to show that they're backwards types and bigots, but that the main character hardly called them out on it was probably the first sign that I might not enjoy this book. Honestly, that was enough to have me almost (almost) DNF-ing this one. But I don't like DNF-ing books - I only do it when I really really can't stand it - so I continued reading.
And then I got to the slutshaming and biphobia.
There is one character in the book called Chelsea, who's nickname is "Chesty" because, guess what, she has big boobs and she uses them when she's flirting with people (which is apparently a lot). And this makes her a "slut" (a word that is even used to describe her at one point. I can't believe that in 2016 I am reading a book where the word "slut" is used. I thought we were passed this, but apparently not). She even gets this memorable quote:
It's ridiculous how she just throws herself on Bren.
And to top it all off, this is the bisexual character. Because clearly bisexuals are always flirting with everyone in sight and "throwing" themselves at people. I call biphobia.
(Also around this point, was the scene where one character gets the other to say "I'm gay and I'm proud" in order to get themselves comfortable with being gay. Because saying those words is a surefire way to get rid of all that internalised homophobia and self-hatred that comes from living in a town of homophobic, racist bigots.)
Then there was a great scene where the main character goes around her room, labelling things as marking whether they make her seem girly or boyish. Funny, I didn't realise inanimate objects were gendered. I mean, Plum purple duvet. Girl. Blue walls. Boy. What on earth?
At this point, I have to admit, I got tired and started skim reading so I could just reach the damn end already.
There was a point where the main character said about the girlfriend, heck, I might even be in love with her. You've known her for a month, maybe two, and you think you're in love. Instalove much? (I cannot stand instalove. It is one of my biggest gripes about YA, the number of times you have instalove instead of proper development of a relationship.)
Next there's this wonderful scene where, after she's screwed up her relationship with the girlfriend because, when they got caught making out (cliche much?), she bluffed it and said it didn't mean anything and she doesn't care, she takes it out on her best friend, who convinced her to roll with all this in the first place (the same one with the "I'm gay and I'm proud" catchphrase). And this is where I had a pretty major rant on Twitter, not gonna lie. Basically, he tells her to be proud about her gayness and own it, and she accuses him of not doing the same.
The problem I had was that that's not true. He might not be as out and proud as she kind of expects, but he never hides his gayness - unlike her with her dating boys (a bit hypocritical, don't you think) - he dates boys, and he doesn't go around shrugging off being found kissing another guy as not caring about the person (ha ha, it was all a joke, right guys?). And you can't fault him for some self-preservation when he's growing up in a bigoted and homophobic town (seriously, one of the characters comments about running all the gay people out of town to make it safe for their kids. What, did you think he'd go around advertising his sexuality?). He is out to them, but out in a way that he can deny and so be safe (like don't ask, don't tell) and that makes sense in this situation, but she's chewing him out for it and I got annoyed.
Then she goes and outs him to the school. And in doing so, says he can be the "next gay target". That is not cool. I get that she's angry, but doesn't she even think that maybe this isn't a good idea? Apparently not, because later on she comments It wouldn't do any good to out her [the bi character]. She would keep hiding like a coward. First off, if you're calling hiding your sexuality in a homophobic town cowardice, then aren't you no better off than this character? And secondly, you obviously haven't learned from your outing of your (ex, at this point) best friend. She has no qualms about outing this girl she hates, but she happily confesses to being wrong about outing her best friend, and apologises easily (though if I were her best friend I would not have forgiven her so quickly, if at all).
There's also a part where she's sad because she's lost all her friends. Well, who's fault is that? One, you drove away because you kept a huge secret from her. Two, you drove away when you outed him. Three, you drove away when you claimed that it meant nothing when you kissed her and you just brushed it off. Sorry, but you'll find no sympathy here.
My final point is back with the non-white characters (which there are three of who get names, and I guess more who don't but anyway). Right at the beginning, they get a cursory description (which seemed solely to the purpose of showing that these aren't gross stereotypes of non-white characters, but didn't do much more) and they showed up once (to show how gross and racist some of the kids were), and then they disappeared until the end. At which point, lo and behold, they show up for the sole purpose of supporting the LBGT+ characters in their quest for... being able to steal the float so they can paint it as a rainbow and turn the parade into a miniature Pride.
I'm starting to think I should have just DNF-ed when I had the chance.
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